Hold On

     The minute I think of giving up, I remember the reason why I held on for so long. But the question is, what are my reasons for holding on? Dreams, Goals, Visions, Pride. Love. Life. 

     Life is difficult. Life brings a lot of pain, disappointments, insecurities, tears. And yet, everyday, I strive to enjoy life's simple joys. For a pessimist like me, it is quite difficult to recognize life's simple joys, much less enjoy it. But every time I caught myself smiling over something as trivial as a friend's witty remark on Facebook, I realized how beautiful life is and how lucky I am to be a part of these people's lives. 

     True, I don't get what I want most of the time no matter how hard I wished, prayed and worked for it. It is heartbreaking but in the end, I would say, "It's not meant to be". I tell that to the people who feels bad for me, but more so, I tell that to myself. It would take me a long time to realize that what I want is not always what is good or best for me. Because deep inside, there is that disappointment in myself that I was not able to reach my preferred destination. 

     And every time I fail, I blame myself and the people and the circumstances that kept me from fulfilling my dreams.

     I wasn't able to enroll on my preferred course in college because we were poor. I wasn't able to study at my preferred school because I did not make it to the admission test schedules. I was not able to study in PNPA and PMA because I was too short. I was not able to graduate with honors because I was not smart enough. I was not able to go to Law School because I have to find a job immediately to support my family. And I cannot even quit my job which I am starting to hate as the days pass by because it is my only source of income. And I would say "My life sucks!"

     I have to admit that during the times that everything seemed to be so difficult, I am very tempted to just give up and succumb to the darkness. But then, during those times, a ray of hope always shines upon me. A chat with a friend, an inspiring story, even as simple as a smile from a total stranger. I realized, yes, my life sucks but there are others who had it worse than I did. I should be thankful. Compared to other people, I had it easy. And I am in a position to find solutions to my problems. I have people who, surprisingly, always had my back, who makes me smile every time I am in a sour bitchy mood. Yep, I am lucky. 

    Therefore, I'll stand up and continue moving forward, continue holding on to life.