Para Kay Ama

     Father's Day.
     I remember when I was in high school. I was so messed up and I felt that everything was so messed up. I looked up my father's portrait hanging on the wall and say "Ikaw kasi, iniwan mo kami agad. Sunduin mo na kaya ako dito?" Yep, I had those days. Those days that I felt that in order to get peace and comfort, I have to be with my father in the after life. It was a good thing I eventually got over that phase.
     But it does not mean I stopped thinking of him. I still do. Although I have to admit, most of the time I don't want to think, remember or talk about him. It's not that I don't love him. I do. It's just that there are times that I am ashamed to call myself his daughter. At the back of my head, there is always that nagging thought that I failed him. I could even imagine how disappointed he is that I did not turn out the way he wanted his daughter to be.
    I have always wondered. What would life be had he been alive? No one can answer that. As time went by, I learned to face the facts. He's gone. But he's gone merely physically. Because I know, he had always been a part of our lives. A part of my life. Always.