It's not a good sign. Every time I go to our office and report to work, I sighed and wished the day would end soon so I could leave and stay away from that place especially from the people connected to that place, my colleagues.
Hate is such a strong negative word. So I won't say I hate them even if I feel like I really hate them. I despise them. I dislike them. A lot. The mere thought of seeing, talking and working with them makes me roll my eyes. I'm not saying I'm a model citizen or a model employee. I rant, I complain. At times, I am lazy. But still, I can say there are people worst than me. And I happen to be working with them. Sigh.
A friend told me, I probably wouldn't feel like this towards my work if I'm not working with these people. I guess part of that is true. When I started working here, I was hoping for that ideal working environment, the agency being a baby and all. Kumbaga, wala pang alam sa pangungurakot. Hindi pa kinakain ng bureaucratic na sistema ang mga taong nagpapatakbo dito. How wrong I was.
Another friend said that I should be thankful that I have a job. Practicality. But what is the use of practicality when I am not happy with what I am doing. The negativity is eating me like worm feasting on a rotten apple. And it's not doing me any good.
I ask myself. Was it worth it? I would like to say yes, it is. But I can't.Everyday, I would count how many days more until the next paycheck arrives. And I know that is wrong. It's not supposed to be merely about the money, the salary. It's supposed to be about the work. I should be proud of myself, proud of what I do. But I'm not. I'm tired and I want out.I could no longer feel a sense of fulfillment. It seemed to me I am not cut to be a public servant.
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